(to others who have had to justify theirs.)

something that never quite sat right with me is how the queer community is about both aromantic and asexual identities. of course, you'll have a lot of people who accept aroace identities and individuals, being supportive of them and recognizing them as a proper part of the LGBTQIA+ community, but then you have people who completely turn at every corner that being on the aroace spectrum is "being normal" or just "having preferences," that you haven't grown up or just haven't met the right person yet.

and it is absolutely exhausting.

in the same way that gay people are told that they're simply going through a phase in their life and that liking the same gender isn't normal, acearo people are invalidated in their identities not only by non-queer persons, but also by their own queer community. how many times have myself and other acearo people have to hear that what we feel is "normal," and who we are isn't an identity. how upsetting it is to have people who have also faced incredible abuse from people who insist who they are isn't natural or is wrong, only for them to turn around and do the same to people within the same sphere.

in the simplest way possible to describe, being acearo isn't simply just having a preference. in the same way that a queer individual cannot stop how they are attracted to the same gender, how a transgender individual feels as if they're in the wrong body, someone who is on the aromantic or asexual spectrum is no different.

i personally identify as demiromantic, in the fact that i just cannot feel anything for anyone unless i know them in-and-out. nothing will develop, nothing will happen; it has taken me years to properly "fall in love", develop feelings, and in a majority of situations, had my platonic gestures misinterpreted as romantic. perhaps i can understand it a little more because i am allosexual, and develop purely aesthetic or sexual attraction to people, but that does not ever imply romantic attraction.

extending on this, then why do people not understand asexual individuals who express a complete lack of interest in sexual endeavors? people will claim that aromantic and asexual people are faking their experiences, but then get completely upset or offended when an asexual individual does not wish to have sex in a romantic relationship. it's so tiring to have to watch people act as if they can "change" an asexual or aromantic person and blossom feelings in them that hadn't previously existed—likened to straight people who claim to make gay people straight, and gay people who can make straight people gay. (i have a cousin, with whom i'm not close that is queer and on the regular insists that he can turn straight men gay.)

just because something is not understood does not mean it doesn't deserve to be respected. just because you or someone else does not understand what being aroace or within its spectrum is or how it feels, does not mean that it has not happened to others. it's 2026, and yet we keep walking backwards in terms of progress. basic human respect for others has been lost, and people now insist on spreading discourse over the internet to disprove and invalidate others.

what i'm saying is only applicable to the situation i've described above. in no way am i throwing a blanket statement over the entire world in its entirety, and it should not be used as a general catch-all for every single situation. sometimes i think about people who take the statements of others and reverse it on them in order to create a "gotcha" moment, and thinking about people who would purposefully misconstrue what i say is maddening.

either way, it's been miserable having to go online and seeing people who take the time out of their days to ridicule others within their own community or be the so-called "face" of the queer community to bar aroace individuals entry from being apart of them. the queer community has always been one that is separate from heteronormative societal culture, celebrating a diversity that sits within being outside what is considered "normal" within an identity.